Visual aids

So here are the pictures i promised. these are a few of my apartment, filled with my miracle furniture.

next is me at school with JUILIA CHILD'S chef jacket!! you can't see her name very well, but it's there, right above my head. she came to our school for a cook-off type thing and a bunch or the students got to meet her, this was before i was there of course.

my beautifully sharpened knives... these are only a few. i have a gigantic set of every cooking utensil and type of knife you could ask for. these are my life lines, especially that chef's knife in the middle, my favorite knife happens to be the paring knife, (not pictured) a small sturdy blade you can use for anything... and i do mean anything...

these are the city lights. my favorite time in the city is in the early morning or at night, two completely different vibes!
and me and Caleb (my older brother) he came to visit and cheer me up. it worked. THANK YOU CALEB!!

Five Stars!!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry... i know it's been forever OK?!
so the restaurant... was intense. i was determined to walk in with my head held high, and just keep my hands in my pockets because they were shaking. The chef there was exactly as we had anticipated, mean as hell. he cussed everyone out in that kitchen within an inch of their life, or course i was the only woman in the kitchen (which secretly made me happy) everyone else was a huge strapping, tatted up guy. I knew right from that moment that i was going to have to kick ass at everything i did to earn respect... it was the only way, they expected me to fail, i could just see it in their eyes. so i did just that. it was valentines day dinner, so needless to say we were SLAMMED. orders were coming in from every direction, flames were spurting up ferociously, the f-bomb was being dropped more often than the words "order up" and i... yes i, was handling a 15 thousand dollar bucket of truffle foam. i garnished my head off. i started off on the bread station, slicing and arranging, then when they saw i could handle that, they moved me to Garede Manger (cold stuff, appetizers, salads, etc.) i whisked, and plated, and generally handed their asses too them... yes, i was on top of things.
my head was unusually clear, usually under pressure i have the mentality of a five year old, but that night, i could articulate ever single thing i was thinking. this was very useful, especially because without this i would not have been able to realize that this was NOT what i wanted to do. there in that busy kitchen, hearing the chef yell, and rant when things didn't go his way, i was struck by the strong certainty that this was not for me. cooking was... i loved that part... but the the five star kitchen atmosphere. I am now more sure than ever before that my career will be in either food photography, or a personal chef... or who knows, maybe I'll find some career hidden away in a corner that no one knows about. it's possible.
anyway, it was a night to remember, and after it was all said and done (1:00 in the morning) the chef took me aside and said, "have you ever worked in a fast paced kitchen before, because you did an amazing job tonight, and I'd like to have you back full time." Now i turned him down respectfully, thanking him profusely for the opportunity, but i walked out of that dimly lit restaurant filled with the sounds of clinking china with such a peace. i knew i had made the right decision. most of all, i was so relieved, and proud of the the fact that i walked in there and "did it." I DID IT! and i didn't screw it up either... I'm so glad i had the experience.
I was so tired that night i could hardly stand! everything on me hurt.

other than that ordeal i have been good, I am still missing home like crazy. I have signed up with a nanny agency because i found i would LOVE to do something like that, i could be like a personal chef as well!! i dodged a craigslist scammer, made a perfect Consumme, slept in until 12:00pm for the first time in my life, and had some REALLY good phone conversations.

so that's a quick update... I'm at school and sooo tired, so I'll write more later! oh, and I'm gonna post some pictures soon....

Ta Ta for now.

Home and here

exciting and terrifying news.
I have been asked to shadow the kitchen of Big Jones, a extremely high end, and fast paced New Orleans cuisine restaurant. what the f**k.
this is good news, and the opportunity of a lifetime, but i'm sooooo scared! I will be coming in at noon, and staying all throughout the dinner rush... on Valentines weekend! the sous chef said that it would be insanely busy and I, ME, would be working in the kitchen with him. holy....
here's the mistake i made, i accidentally called the executive chef the sous chef... obviously a HUGE "dishonor," because he told over the phone very harshly that "i really should research a restaurant before i go around applying at them" and promptly put me on hold. i about slit my own throat. i didn't mean to!!!! he was so mean about it, so now i have the executive chef pissed off at me, great move rachael, great move. i'm so terrified, why did i ever want to do this!? the sheer terror... i'm an idiot to put myself through this voluntarily.
after getting off the phone, i had a meltdown, and just wanted to go home.

being somewhere that is so DRASTICALLY different from home makes you miss it even more. things i miss about home:
the windows being open and you still don't hear anything but the birds.
endless supply of food
space
mama in her hobo sweatshirt in the morning
doughnuts from across the street.
stars
pillowfights with naomi and solomon (my two littlest siblings)
creaky wooden floors
hearing voices in the next room
silence
noise
mama's arms
the ability to jump in the car and drive down the road without further interruption
friday night's with mama
talking with mama face to face. watching he expressions

okay, i think i've tortured myself long enough now. :D
in all honesty though, this is truly a great opportunity, and i am grateful. my fear has always kept me from getting this far, that's why i feel like i can't go through with it.. but i can. i can do this, i might pee my pants in doing so, but i can do this. your prayers would be coveted!!

here goes....

The Silent Place

Junk in your trunk cookies:
bittersweet chocolate
crushed potatoe chips
and marshmallow


have you ever gone sledding and when you crash at the bottom of the hill all you want to do is just lay there? there is such profound silence in the snow. you can hear your own breathing, elevated from thrill, and the steady soft sounds of snow falling. somehow, in that moment you don't want to get up. you know how long of a treck back up the hill you have. you also know that once you reach the top you get to do it all over again, that crazy windswept ride down the hill. but you don't care, you just want to listen. you are alone, silent. in that moment, you are the epitamy of the word "STILL."
life is like that. the hills. the thrills. the moments at the bottom of the hill where you just don't have the strength to get up. it's cold, and icy. it's a sweaty climb. as i sit in the throws of a monster 14 inch snow storm here in chicago, i think about how many hills i've been down. there is a hill in particular that is bothering me. i'm anticipating having to get up and climb it. I'm here in chicago. in culinary school. doing what i ALWAYS wanted to do. why then, is my motivation so piddely? i mean, yes, i will GO FOR this with everything, but there has always been a fear in me to go that little bit farther... i hate that. i don't know. i guess i'm lonely. and you know what that means....
it's time to cook.
In my imaginary kitchen where everything is ok, and the pots and pans are shiney, and the produce is so green it looks like a cartoon, i am the master chef. tonight on the menu...

Seared Scallops in a peach, mint chutney. served with a spinach and goat cheese salad.
for dessert... simple. clean. iced mango's with vinilla sauce.

eat...


and be happy.