Home and here

exciting and terrifying news.
I have been asked to shadow the kitchen of Big Jones, a extremely high end, and fast paced New Orleans cuisine restaurant. what the f**k.
this is good news, and the opportunity of a lifetime, but i'm sooooo scared! I will be coming in at noon, and staying all throughout the dinner rush... on Valentines weekend! the sous chef said that it would be insanely busy and I, ME, would be working in the kitchen with him. holy....
here's the mistake i made, i accidentally called the executive chef the sous chef... obviously a HUGE "dishonor," because he told over the phone very harshly that "i really should research a restaurant before i go around applying at them" and promptly put me on hold. i about slit my own throat. i didn't mean to!!!! he was so mean about it, so now i have the executive chef pissed off at me, great move rachael, great move. i'm so terrified, why did i ever want to do this!? the sheer terror... i'm an idiot to put myself through this voluntarily.
after getting off the phone, i had a meltdown, and just wanted to go home.

being somewhere that is so DRASTICALLY different from home makes you miss it even more. things i miss about home:
the windows being open and you still don't hear anything but the birds.
endless supply of food
space
mama in her hobo sweatshirt in the morning
doughnuts from across the street.
stars
pillowfights with naomi and solomon (my two littlest siblings)
creaky wooden floors
hearing voices in the next room
silence
noise
mama's arms
the ability to jump in the car and drive down the road without further interruption
friday night's with mama
talking with mama face to face. watching he expressions

okay, i think i've tortured myself long enough now. :D
in all honesty though, this is truly a great opportunity, and i am grateful. my fear has always kept me from getting this far, that's why i feel like i can't go through with it.. but i can. i can do this, i might pee my pants in doing so, but i can do this. your prayers would be coveted!!

here goes....