No Direction Anymore... and i'm ok with that.

I keep trying to upload photo's onto here and it ends up being hell on earth. it locks up my entire computer and gives me all these futile messages such as "we have come accross an error," or "are you sure you want to upload?" of course i'm sure i wnat to upload! what are you trying to scare me out of it or something? i guess this is what i get for purchasing a Windows instead of a Mac.
I had a wonderful picture of me perched at an outdoor table here at angelfood bakery. it is the perfect day, and i'm supposed to be studying but instead i'm sitting here surrounded by fower boxes and eating blueberry cake and coffee.

seince i last talked to you allot has happened, and i do mean allot. i lost my job, and got another one all in one week. my car got towed. i found out i have to come up with about one grand by september 1st, and school has amped itself up to a dizzying speed. this entitles me to blueberry cake. I am happy to say that God has undoubtedly provided throughout this storm of tornadic events. i have learned, and grown so much i wouldn't be surprised if my shoes didn't fit. I think i needed to be tossed for a loop, i got to the point (and am still there) that i had absolutly no clue what i was doing anymore. i've gone ahead and thrown all my grand blueprints in the toilet because i know that nothing i ever come up with will match what God has come up with.... from the beginning of time may i add. after you get over the somewhat terrifying idea that you are no longer in control, a peace and a freedom settles in like I've never felt before. I had become so used to putting my earpluggs in and putzing away with "my life" that now it feels like i see and hear everything to the fullest. it's so much brighter, cleaner, free-er (i know that 's not a word). having that said i can't really tell you where i'm at cause i've completely lost my map. i do however have my compass, and He's treating me just fine.

school has gotten harder than i ever thought it would. we are in class well into the night(after 11:00 pm)and are stuffed and squeezed with so much information i honestly don't know how i retain it. we take on about five sometimes six dishes a night wich is a huge undertaking considering most if it's french, and they tend to include fifteen hideous steps in preparing everything. it's not all bad though. the other night i made a chocolate mousse that filled even my chef with pride. it took me about an hour in total until all the whipping process's were done... and there were many of them. but the effect was a mousse that just sat on your tounge, you could hardly tell it was there. at the same time it had this wonderfully rich and devilsh taste that left my chef eating half the bowl with his fingers before i could even get it into the fridge to chill. a sucess like this is made up for by five or so mistakes however, but i'm learning.

i move to my new place next monday... i cannot wait! despite the air ionizer humming the basment smell away it really is an adroable little nook. there is something about living in a plase that has taken sweat and elbow grease to create. it means more, it's truly yours. i painted the walls a rich tuscan yellow, and bought canvas pictures of prarie field. i miss the green of kentucky, the smell of woodsmoke in the air, the hardly ever wearing shoes. i'm trying to bring some of home into this new place with me. mama gets here in a few days.... more home is on the way.

ok, i'm gonna try one more time to get you guys a picture..... wait for it..... nope, it's sitll a Windows.

Thunderstorms

They have come to be one of my greatest comforts and something i actually look forward to. partly because i am without air conditioning in both my apartment AND my car, and they bring much needed relief from the 90 degree weather we've been having. also, i think there is the reminder that God is real, and He exists. tonight we had a record of a storm, it raged outside my open windows and set off the car alarms on my street with it's noise. one minute the sky was blue, the next it was green and there was a tornado siren going off. then after the storm had it's say there was a lightning display that was breathtaking, and an orange sunset not to be rivaled with. it was a majestic, and peacful night. i curled up beside the open window and felt the fury on my face. I also managed to down several chocolate chip cookies while i watched the show. it was a challege to be sure.....

These pictures don't do justice, but i thought you needed to be in on the greatness of God.

Kitchen Diary

My Deepest Apologies!

I KNOW OK?! don't remind me of what a terrible blog friend i have been, if you could only have a day in my shoes you wouldn't scold me. here, let me show you...

school has vamped up to an exhausting pace. i think they think that we're spoiled newbies that need to be punished. work involving a baby 24/7 is harder than it sounds, and when i'm not doing either of those things i'm doing the mounds of homework i bring home, or babysitting, or cleaning, or trying not to starve myself seeing as the only thing i buy anymore is granola bars. I have completely abandoned trying to cook for myself, there's just no time, and when you do it for a living, some of the charm is lost, just like most everything. I'm tired, body, soul and mind. life just seems to be a roller coaster that i can't get off. i miss home, i miss peace, and most of all, i miss watching life, instead of trying to keep up with it.
but not all has been bad. i've gotten really plugged into my church, PRAISE GOD! and i made a friend!! outside of school that is. she goes to my small group and we hit if off immediately... lauran, if you're reading this, thank God you were born. I am enjoying things more, i feel like have really started to make myself a home here, which is a big step, but it still doesn't quite measure up to my real one. Finals are today, and then i have three weeks of summer break, from school that is, not from work and the rest of my life. but it will be cherished none the less.

so yes, things are still bittersweet, thanks for asking.

God has grown me in immeasurable ways, and i am closer with Him than i have ever been. that alone negates any bitching i have just done.
I'm posting some pictures for you of life while i've been away... i will post more later. at least you now know that i live and breathe..... barely :D

Spring in Chicago

Fullfilling my pasta dream

In class on Thursday we made something that i practically came to culinary school to learn how to make! PASTA!!! it was pretty much everything i ever thought it would be. the only problem is you have to have a pasta machine to actually form it... have not fear, i'm already saving for one.
i'm going to give you the recipe so you too can enjoy the wonderment of pasta making. it's almost as good as having a baby.... well, almost. you work and work, feeding it through the pasta roller, getting smoother and thinner by the second and then all of the sudden... it's there. pasta, gliding out the other end of the pasta machine like magical ribbons. you swell with pride knowing that you just brought a new nest of linguine into the world.


Basic Egg Pasta
equivalent to 1# or dry pasta

3 cups all purpose flour, or cake flour
4 large eggs
1/2 tsp. salt

1. place the flour in a high mound on a work surface, (wood is best). make a well in the center.
2. crack the eggs into the well. add the salt. with a fork, ox together the eggs and salt only to not mix in the flour yet.
3.gradually start incorporating under the eggs to

keep the dough from sticking to the board.
4. continue adding more flour in this manner until you have a soft dough. remove the dough from the flour and set aside.
5. sift the remaining flour to get out any small lumps of dough. THROW THESE AWAY. don't try to incorporate them into your large ball, it will only make holes when you roll it out.
6. knead your dough in the "clean" flour until dough is no longer wet and sticky and is smooth and elastic. 10-15 min.
7. wrap dough well and let rest for at least 20 minutes before rolling.
8. coat VERY well in flour before putting it
through the pasta machine.
the rest is up to your creative self!

i went home and cooked mine, then tossed it in a homemade pesto with pinenuts, spicy red pepper, and basil. mmmmm mm.

Now that's a heck of a doughnut!

This is a blog post is dedicated entirely to doughnuts, probably my favorite sweet thing of all time. but wait... not just any doughnuts. i would like to say that i won't eat a doughnut unless it's a good one, but the fact of the matter is that i'm a fiend, and if you put any kind of doughnut in front of me, i WILL eat it. end of discussion. this post is about Holtmans Doughnuts. the best doughnuts you will ever taste in your life, hands down. i can say this because i've tried so many. Krispy Kremes have NOTHING on Holtmans! Holtmans is a little doughnut place in Pleasant Plain Ohio, the tiniest little town you've ever seen. we have to drive about an hour to get to the actual shop, but let me tell you, every minute of that drive is worth it! Holtmans has been making doughnuts since you can imagine, and every employee in there is a family member. when you pull up the little (and i do mean little) yellow striped building the air is thick with the smell of frying dough and sugar, you start to salivate right then and there.

Holtman's is open in the morning, but if you know what's good for you, you will go around 7:00pm in the evening, that's when the real action happens! they start the night before because you could not imagine how busy they get! when you get there they have have christmas lights sparkling in the windows (year-round) and there are literally rows, and rows of hot off the press doughnuts. they give them to you in white paper bags literally steaming.

every kind of doughnut you need and crave is there. fluffy cake doughnuts with crispy edges topped with homemade cream cheese icing, yeasty long johns filled with chocolate cream.

I think my favorite has to be the toasted coconut. it is heavenly. they are so nice it is not uncommon the get a few free doughnuts thrown into your dozen.

in the summer, when it is still light out at 7:00 they have a big picnic bench outside to sit on, throw a bottle of ice cold milk onto your tab and you have yourself the perfect evening. one that i've spent many a time.

I could go on and on, singing the praises of Holtmans Doughnuts, but here's the gist of the matter, if you are EVER in that side of Ohio it is a must that you go. you will never be the same... oh gosh, i have to stop this.. i'm salivating.