Bigger and Better

Does anyone ever feel like maybe we settle for less. i mean, how grand could our lives really be? or more importantly, how blessed. are we asking God for little things we could probably do ourselves? are we asking Him for anything?

I went to church today, the new one i found which i love, but it's far away for someone who relies Solly on public transportation. i finally made the trek after missing it for three weeks in a row and was REALLY glad i did. the pastor talked about asking God for the impossible. one thing he said reached out into the audience and grabbed me by the throat. he said "don't tell people you can't get that job because you don't have a degree... yes you do! you have all the 'degree' you're ever going to need" i thought, i've been running around exhausting myself trying to find this job, be this person, go this place, and maybe, as the pastor says "i just need to stand still and watch God move around me." i mean... i haven't been doing it ALL wrong. God has lead me to be very proactive, and confident in a way he never has before, sometimes we just need to go for it, and not look back, but we also need to stop running before we wear ourselves out and get some help. i WANT God to plan this out for me. i know i would do a sucky job of it. i also want to ask bigger, ask better. God has the world at his fingertips... he wants to share it with us. why am i so hesitant to ask for the dream job, or the money to be able to go to school an extra year, or the super-human strength it is taking to get through every day in a new place all by myself.
i guess that's the gist of it, i'm NOT all by myself. i never have been. from the moment i was born, i popped out being loved fiercely.

so even when i'm walking to class and a car whooshes by soaking me with muddy city water (yes, this did happen, even though it only seems to in movies) and even when i'm so tired i forget to get off at my train stop and ride five extra, even when i come back to my apartment and no one's there to ask me how my day went except that ever-leaking facet... i know, somewhere in the back of my teeny little mind, that this all happened for a reason. this was all part of "The Plan." this is what it looks like to be "standing still and watching God move around me."